I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
