You smell like stripper and shame
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
