so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
