Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
