Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
