My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you didnt know i had herpes?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
