i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
