She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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