Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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