Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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