Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
