and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
