i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
