Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize