separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
