Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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