It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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