Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
