the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
