im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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