i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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