New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
