I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
