You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
