they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
