I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
