Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
