YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
