Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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