Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize