How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
