in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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