I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize