Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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