I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize