Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
