get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
