I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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