you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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