He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
