Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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