Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
