He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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