I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
