when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
