It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
