so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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