U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
