The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
