I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
