You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
