covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
