Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Those nachos came to me in a dream
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize