I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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