she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
