Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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