Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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