fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am available for nakedness
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
