I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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