Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
