whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
