I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
