Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
