at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
