I faked an abortion last night.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize