this boner is exhausting
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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