i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
