Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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