ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
