My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you never un-have a 4some
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
