Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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