People in love make me want to vomit
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want to make out with him forever
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
