What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
