i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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