Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
