Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
