how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
