Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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