its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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