I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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