Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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