I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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