TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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