So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
