I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
