You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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