Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
