Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
