I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
