Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize