you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
