The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
