Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
