Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Less talking, more tequila
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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