So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
