I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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