The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
