I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He passed out mid-signature
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize