if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
