actually, I'm a sock model
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
