Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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