yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
