Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
