If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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