I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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