you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
