This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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