He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
